Gandalf loses his beard
by Archsteel
Summary: Gandalf is trying to get into moria when suddenly a fez wearing man kidnapps him. What will happen? Insanity obviously. Note: this is not going to be any long or serious story. This is just some random thing I thought up.
1. The docter steals Gandalfs beard

**This is a random crack fic I came up with. FEEL THE POWER OF BOREDEM. Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR or DW or HP, but my sister has a sonic screwdriver.**

Gandalf sat pondering how to open the gates of moria. Frodo was about to say something when a strange noise sounded along the lake. A big blue box appeared next to gandalf when a man in a fez, as well as two gingers, one a girl in her pajamas, the other a man in a roman outfit. Boromir quickly began to flirt with the girl as the man in a fez pushed gandalf into the blue box. The roman then stabbed boromir who being boromir didn't die and just stood there with the blade sticking out of his gut, the man in a fez then called the roman and the girl back into the blue box which teleported away. Pippin watched all of this and simply summed it up with "Now what?" "Ummm?" Merry awnswered, when suddenly a bunch of tenticles shot out of the water and ate them all.

* * *

Gandalf who had now gotton past the bigger on the inside thing was sent to meet Dumbledoor. They then started a old mans club and gained several other members, like Yoda, and a bunch of other old people in popular movies. They would take turns watching eachothers movies in the tardis and the docter eventually was forced to join by river who said he needed to "Socialize" more. This made the docter angry so he stole all the mens beard and tied river up with them.

**The End**

_Or so you think._


	2. The revenge of the beard

**PUNY MORTAL! DO NOT ASK ME WHY I THINK THIS STORY NEEDS A SECOND CHAPTER! FOR I HOLD THE POWER OF SCREW YOU! WHICH MEANS I CAN WRITE WHATEVER WIERD FANFICT I WANT!**

"GANDALF!" The beard called to gandalf "WHAT?!" He shouted back at it. "I'VE COME FOR YOUR SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUL" The beard replied

So it was that gandalf whent to glorious combat with his beard. The battle lasted five thousand years and eventually they both died of boredness. But they were brought back to life as two midgets who liked cheese sticks. They found out that they were hobbits and- SUDDENLY A GIANT EAGLE SWOOPED FROM THE SKY AND ATE THEM BOTH!

The docter woke up from his strange dream. However since he was tired from taking Gandalfs beard the other day he whent back to sleep.

The docter opened his eyes and realized that he was seeing pyroland **(TF2!)** as he opened his mouth to speak, the balloonicorn wearing gandalfs beard attacked him. The docter awoke with a start but realized that while he was asleep he was transported to the world of my little pony. His eyes widening he saw the pyro happily running along burning everything in sight as GLaDOS mocked the heavy for being to fat. Blinking again he was transported to a dark room. The lights suddenly came on and he realized that the walls were covered in pictures of nicholas cage. "DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!" He thought as the trololol song started playing. Opening a door with the sonic screw driver he ran from the horrifying cage, only to be confronted by none other than RICK ASTLY wearing gandalfs beard! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" He screamed as is face melted off...

Gandalf laughed to himself as he magicly gave the docter this horrifying dream. Revenge was sweet...


	3. Cyberman Dalek CYBER-LEK!

**I was watching the new Cyberman episode (With "Mr. Clever" The Cyber-Planner) and they seemed to be able to evolve to any challenge which faced them. Which got me thinking, how well would they do against the Daleks NOW? Last time we saw them fight the Daleks they were hilariously outmatched. They were beaten by four Daleks. But now, with the new ability to evolve... How would they do? Naturally the solution would be that they would evolve INTO a Cyberman Dalek prototype... THE CYBER-LEK! Warning. Contains massive weirdness and insanity.**

"Ha ha ha... Muhahaha... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gandalf laughed while giving The Doctor the dream seen in the last episode. Suddenly he heard a noise outside. Stroking the stubble where his beard used to be (CURSE YOU DOCTOR!) he walked out of the room to see what the noise was. LE GASP! It was television screen with a live feed of outside the Tardis! "You are nothing more than a salt shaker with a Whisk and Plunger for limbs!" A Cyberman taunted in his robotic voice "You are the tin man from the wizard of OZ!" A dalek taunted back "YOU ARE SIMPLY A OCTOPUS IN A ROBOT!" The Cyberman yelled "YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO USE ANESTHETICS!" The Dalek yelled "Lady's LADY'S!" A newcomer interrupted. "For to long you two have bickered on whose the better robot. Your like freakin R2D2 and C3PO! Well no longer! For now... I HAVE COME! THE ULTIMATE! THE MOST POWERFUL! THE DEADLIEST!" It monologued like this like this for quite a while and Gandalf eventually lost interest until it finally stepped out of the shadows to reveal... THE CYBER-LEK! The un-holy combination of the cyberman and the dalek! The bickering two looked at the newcomer with shock. "Now you must be wondering what powers me, after all I would require a massive amount of fuel to create enough energy to keep me going... Well behold the TRUE GENIUS of my design!" It says opening up its chest to reveal... GANDALFS BEARD! "With this beard, I have a endless amount of power... I am the future... But we will need more beards like these to power ALL OF US!" It said then began explaining its plan...

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GODS NO! MAKE IT STOP!" The doctor screamed in his sleep. He bolted upright awake and was suddenly grabbed by Gandalf "DOCTOR! WE NEED TO SAVE ABRAHAM LINCONS BEARD! ITS ONE OF THE FEW BEARDS EPIC ENOUGH TOO POWER THE CYBER-LEKS!" He yelled. The doctor immediately understood the severity of the situation and ran to the Tardis's control center. "WERE ABOUT TO CROSS MY TIME LINE IN THE BIGGEST WAY POSSIBLE! THE TARDIS DOESN'T LIKE IT! ALSO I'M RUINING THE SEASON FINALE FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN IT!" He shouts then fly's to his grave. "QUICK! GRAB CLARA!" He shouts "WHAT WHY?!" Gandalf asks "DONT QUESTION ME JUST DOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIT!" Gandalf obeyed and grabbed Clara "NOW THROW HER INTO THE GIANT LIGHT THINGY!" The doctor ordered "WHAT?!" Gandalf Asked shocked "Your right! I didn't tell her what to do yet! Clara by now I've met everyone in history who has a beard, you need to go back through my history and steal they're beards!" "WHY!?" She asked "TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE!" He responded than pushed her into the giant light beam thingy. "AH! THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU'VE DONE THIS TO MEEEEEE-" She yelled as she fell through time. A second later she returned... But she wasn't alone. At her side was... JOHN HURT (As the Doctor). "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?" Merlin asked "I DONT KNOW! TIME IS FALLING APART! ALSO THE CREATOR OF THIS CRACK FIC IS BORED!" The doctor responded "DIE DRAGON DIIIE" Arthur screamed and attacked John hurt (As the voice of the Dragon) while Giles and Uther strangled eachother. John hurt (As the Docter) hit Arthur over the head with a club and fist bumped John hurt (As the voice of the Dragon). "LEEEEERRROOOOY! JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNKKIIIINSSSS" The Cyber-Lek Shouted then charged the group of people.


End file.
